Just what everyone needs, another Memorial Day diatribe…
What is memorial day? A chance to remember? An opportunity to remind others of the sacrifices of our friends? Absolutely, it is all of that, and more.
Memorial Day, as many know, was initially known as Decoration Day as decreed by Civil War veteran and leader of the Grand Army of the Republic (a veterans organization akin to the Veterans of Foreign Wars today), John A. Logan in 1868. Logan called for decorating gravesites of those who died in defense of the United States. He thought of this after observing Secessionist families doing the same throughout the south. This also came after seeing freed enslaved persons memorializing dead prisoners from a confederate prison outside Charleston, SC, on May 1, 1865. The holiday was celebrated every May 30 from 1868 to 1971. The National Holiday Act of 1971, an act of the 90th Congress (1967–1969), was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson and made the last Monday in May a federal holiday beginning in 1971.
The holiday is beautiful but also leaves me very conflicted. On the one hand, yes, we should absolutely set aside a national day of remembrance for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in our nation’s many conflicts. On the other hand, this doesn’t mean the country should venerate military sacrifice like this above all different forms of service and sacrifice. It also doesn’t preclude citizens from questioning American overseas military adventurism, or our penchant for using the military to solve all of our problems.
By nature, Memorial Day is one of great grief in the veteran community — especially after nearly twenty years of inconclusive ground combat in the Middle East and Central Asia. I personally struggle with the meaning of it all. After about the first six months in Afghanistan, the argument to protect American freedoms is a bit of a stretch in retrospect. The Iraq war, despite Saddam Hussein’s misgivings, only served to create more death and destruction in the region. That’s not to say that my friends died in vain. After the United States decided to stick it out in those countries, we did our best to accomplish our mission no matter how ambiguous it was.
Many of us are grieving, some more than others. If I’m sincere, I can no longer count the number of friends I’ve lost to combat, accident, or suicide. The numbers are inconceivable. But I’m one of the lucky ones, you see, I’m still here, still kicking, still doing my best to make my country or my community a better place. I firmly believe, as morose as it is, that shared notions of grief between the civilians and veterans is critical to healing a divide that has existed since well before the events of September 11th, 2001.
Unfortunately, many veterans use this day of remembrance to chastise our fellow citizens and widen the divide. These attacks on our fellow citizens for not knowing our culture seems antithetical to the values we espouse during our time in service. Sure, there are separate holidays for separate purposes, Memorial Day, Armed Forces Day, and Veteran’s Day. But most people don’t know that, and that’s ok. In fact, I think ignorance of the nuance in those holidays is a blessing — it means they probably haven’t had to share the same sacrifices and loss as others. In fact, at least people are trying to honor the service and sacrifice of military members and veterans.
But that doesn’t make them any less worthy of having a (socially distanced) barbecue with friends. It certainly does not mean they should draw the ire of veterans for not respecting this, that, or the other. I worry if placing veterans on a pedestal hasn’t made the divide worse by elevating veterans to the status of a venerated warrior caste, rather than the citizen-soldier ideal our nation was founded upon. This is a product of an All-Volunteer Force that must convince recruits to enlist. That by joining, they become some sort of Spartan elite, better than the rest of society. Hell, it’s ensconced in the stupid cadences we sang in basic training.
I also fear that this behavior doesn’t do anything but hasten the divide, drive wedges between populations that view themselves as more worthy of I also fear that this behavior doesn’t do anything but hasten the divide, drive wedges between populations that view themselves as more worthy of citizenship. I ask every veteran reading this, why? What makes anyone who served in the Armed Forces better than anyone else? We all make choices, and there are plenty of other professions that benefit our communities as much or more than military service. We must not shun the rest of our community to find meaning and purpose behind the losses we’ve suffered. Veterans, after all, do not have a monopoly on grief and suffering. After all its not their fault, in the wake of September 11th while I and many others prepared to go to war, President George W. Bush told the American people to go to the mall. Through discussing our shared grief and pain, we actually have an opportunity to bridge the divide.
In no way do I believe in telling people how to celebrate, grieve, or honor those they’ve lost along the way. Remember them, say their names, tell their stories and everything about them that made them so loved, the things that made them human, one of us, someone we could all connect with — that’s how we honor them. Tell your story, don’t be afraid to talk about it, especially around your community, that’s how we heal. Besides, if you don’t, somebody else will, and you may not like how they tell it.
Memorial Day is challenging to digest in an era of persistent conflict for almost everyone. All who reside in the United States benefit from Johnson’s decision to move the day to a Monday to protect three-day weekends every May. They may use it to reflect and honor those who died in service to this country, or to grill with friends and family blissfully unaware of the sacrifices made by some within their communities. The choice is theirs, and they are no more or less American for either option. After all, is the freedom to responsibly drink with friends and eat copious amounts of food, not what those who died believed must be preserved?
